This is my last love song to you. Well, maybe this is the only good love song I have ever written about you, or at least I could ever write. You know why I called it a good love song? Because this love song doesn’t asks for anything in return nor does it point fingers. It just wants you hear it out.
So here it goes..
When I meet people, I am often fascinated on how I could know them just by observing how they talk, how they wear their clothes, how awful they eat, how deep I can dig on their souls just by looking on their restless eyes. I am good at knowing people because I always look for the worst in them.
But then there’s you. You were like a sniff of a narcotic equivalent to me. I was addicted to know you and to seek for slices of bumps that makes you different from anybody else.
I am a hard person to love. But I am a much terrible person on giving love. But you happened anyways.
Sometimes, I am drowned on deep thought about the possibility and the promise and the absolute wonder of why we met the way we did. It was a full blur until now but one thing is for sure, I knew I liked the way you made me feel.
For five years, we were friends. You are my one friend who had the voice to calm my storms and who could yell me to run bare feet flying across pavements and succumbing the dust of life and my dreams.
You were my tilted compass who makes me feel lost with my own emotions and makes me ask a lot of questions about direction and likewise the light that waits for me at the end of the tunnel with a bouquet of beautiful uncertainty.
You were the chorus of my favorite song, repeating and exhausting but relevant and comforting. You have been the melody on my years growing enormously stronger under my ribcage and warmer in between my lips.
You were the relief in my chaos and the skin that tastes like watermelon and sun and earth and all other madness I have left to explore. You were the flutter in my heartbeat. Tickles. Making me smile. Sigh.
The friendship that you gave me was a love more brighter than the mid afternoon blazing sun on the quiet and still blue sky. At the same time, it was the restless whistle of rushing waves and waterfalls and other things untamed. Unpredictable. Wanting.
You are the voltage to my current and the milk to my doorsteps. Two people who are the exact opposite of something else but both unexplainably connected.
We were friends. Friends with potential.
But we became something more. Our paths eventually readjusted to match each other’s stride and swing. You catched up on me and we held each other’s hands while running fast and hard until we couldn’t catch our breath.
I fell on your pattern and for the first time, I welcomed uncertainty in my life. I was alive. Giggling.
We made it work. Of course we did. We realized this must be love and we fought to hell for it. We loved. We loved like hell.
Until we were defeated.
But so you know, it was one of the greatest battles in my life. I have the scars, I know you have them too, but I stare at my scars now and I find them beautiful to look at. I kissed away the pain on my own every night before I sleep and the tears on my pillows eventually became smiles underneath the blanket of memories. Messy and enthralling and painful and beautiful.
We slipped into the shadows of each other’s lives after months of becoming more. We lost track of our rhythm and our pacing isn’t as synchronize as before.
I romanticized it on every waking moment, of how I could bring us back to life or even larger than what life is, of how I could rewrite our ending on every secret journal that I own, of how I could bring it back to how it was, how we were friends, as if it was perfect.
After all, I can still see your smiling face on every sunset. Disappearing but not saddening. Beautiful to let go. I smile at the memory of us. I know I could never forget you.
I hope you can see that it doesn’t matter how we shifted to this part of our lives and all the ways we fell apart and how we drove each other away or even how we come up to a decision to finally let go. Because, you will forever be imprinted on my soul. Not just on my heart.
Your memory is not sadness. It was a gift of life, of love. You will always be a part of who I am.
I will never forget our secret smiles, the way we obnoxiously laugh about the comfortable silence, and the burps between our kisses. You have been the buoyant force on my existence and I will always remember how it felt so good to feel both floating and sinking.
I never talked about you to people but you will always be my favorite person to write about. I had always remember every poetry I ever wrote about you. You will always be the best thing that I have set free. Always.
I am and will always be grateful on the chance to feel an impeccable silver moment of happiness that you shared with me. It was real. We were real.
And if you wish I could tell you one last thing? I would tell you this.
I truly, deeply, wholeheartedly loved every part of us. Wouldn’t want it to happen any other way.
Cheers. To moving on.