Whisper

Uncomfortable Silence

“Don’t you hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share the silence.”
– Mia Wallace, Pulp Fiction, 1994

Most people does not appreciate the glitz of complete silence until “Someone” was brought into the picture. The Someone that we hated to be silent but loved to share the silence with. It wasn’t awkward until you observed it.

But.

Awkward. That’s all it is and we can’t get away with it. There are different kinds of awkward, when you bump into your ex for the first time again, when you wore the wrong outfit for a date, when the person that you are having a conversation with has something on his/her teeth, when you try to break the awkward and consistently makes it more awkward, and the list go on. But we all have that one special awkward.

The awkward that we annoyingly look forward every other weekend. The awkward that we wish we could stop but we just can’t resist. The awkward that gives us the tickle of excitement for the anticipation of ‘What Now’ and ‘What Next.’ The awkward that we simply could not get away with.

This awkward is made up of a little of “So…” and a lot of un scribbled thoughts.

To many people, silence is boring, a waste of time, and lonely. But to some, it is the orange to their lemons.

You hated it. But you never complain. You choose not to.

Here goes the part where you have to sit beside your someone and yeah, you just sat there. Eager to start a conversation. Just eager. But no conversation.

It’s like riding a roller coaster with your stomach full and a very hot coffee on your right hand. Uneasy. Exciting.

It is the moment when you force your cerebrum so much to produce something that could delightfully waste your time. It is when uttering the most random statement is like winning a jackpot. It is when you have to consciously swallow your own saliva just to remind yourself that “Yeah! I am having this right now.” And yes, you are. You are stuck in your own thoughts, talking to your self.

Haven’t you figure it out yet? You busy yourself so much you forget you have your someone. NO! That someone isn’t yourself! So stop talking to yourself. You’ve been trying so hard to figure out what perfect words to say or what are the most sensible and interesting topics to open rather than being present in the moment. Empty your mind. You choke over these situations because you are stuck in your head. Cease debugging every possible scenarios of the next 10 minutes and going through it over and over again.

Please.

Stop worrying so much about sounding stupid. Just open your mouth and say something. Say Anything. You are the concertmaster of your thoughts, you can make it work.

There are no pseudo codes for a perfect conversation nor a great cosmic coincidence for the both of you to open up. You just have to make your own orchestra of talking. No matter how lame it could be.

Start with “So…”

PS. Surely, silence can sometimes be the most eloquent reply. But not on this post.

PPS. I should email this article to myself.

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