It’s two in the morning and I am here in the Friend Zone where you left me. The regret of being entitled “The Good Guy” is rubbing salt to my wounded pursuit of great love.
I have played all my cards and I have nothing left now. If the gods of the seven kingdoms would allow me, I could have been the villain in this story. You could have given me attention, enough to appreciate my existence. But I am not. I am just the supporting actor. Just the next good guy.
For once, just this once, can I let my pride win? I am not going to look after you. I am not going to want to be beside you. I am not going to be satisfied by the way you smile at the things that you thought were silly. I am not going to differentiate your other smile at the things that you thought that were Really silly. But I cannot. I can’t do it. Because I love you for everything that you are. I always have. Tears are now scratching its post in my vision. I am hurting.
Why? Why can’t it be the two of us? Why can’t you look at me the way you looked at him? Why can’t it be me?
I was willing to give it a shot, I was willing to give US a shot, but I cannot blame you for not letting me, for not letting us.
Insanity is crippling down my spine as the silence in my room echoes the insult to my ego’s injury. I thought we were special. I thought we are on the same page. I am wrong. We weren’t on the same page because you changed the book midway through the plot.
Funny how “friend” resound through the spaces in my hollowed heart, when just days ago, I was your “how can I live without you?”
What’s that for? Did I misread anything? Were there any lines complicated enough to be interpreted?
False hopes. That was all I got. I understand that you may not have intentionally hand it to me. But that was all I got. Now, I am left empty-handed.
I wanted to be angry at you. I wanted to beat the hell out of you. I wanted you to feel guilty about everything. You are an upset. I do not deserve this. Fuck you.
Heck, I love you.
But I am heading back now. Back to where my place is, as your friend. I am defeated, but at least I have tried. I am grateful for your honesty. You have my respect. You still have me, but baby, let’s do us some favor. Let us not pretend something did not happen. Let us not pretend there is nothing going on here. I have held my hands up now but for the least, I deserve a little heads up.
I give up. Because this is what you want.
You mean a lot to me, that won’t change. I would still be here but I don’t want to be deluded again. Please don’t take offense if the day after today, I would start wearing my guarded heart.
Thank you. I’m sorry, too.