Whisper

Narcotic

Not caring and missing chances is as frustrating as spilling a coffee. One can never taste its euphoria and suffer the consequence of cleaning the stains with a white towel.

I am writing for people who take people for granted. Not everyday we have someone to watch our back, not everyday we have somewhere to go, not everyday we have someone.

This is the time to wake up, enough with the ‘petiks’ and enough with the chill. Life is short and awesome to be wasted on cigarettes and stagnant hours.

You will never be fast if you wouldn’t let go of your patience. Take risks. There is no wrong in being brave. But intelligent as we are, we contemplate to wait or to go. Either way, you win. Either way, you lose.

If you are able, why not do it now? It saves you from receiving such letters like below.

***

My Dear Sweet Nothing,

What happen to us? How long has it been? Where have you been? What took you so long?
You don’t need to answer my questions, I don’t need them anymore.

I waited for something, and something died. So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived. I guess its over and we’ve already won.

See that girl from your window? I am her. I hoped for you to come and rescue me from the drizzle but you never let me in. Now I have rain inside me. And my heart had always beat thunderstorms instead of blood.

It’s a funny battle, I guess I was busy I haven’t anticipated that time is my opponent. You were my soldier but you choose to be ill, so I have to fight by myself, and I was defeated.

The idea of being with you is narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day I want more. I am not an addict but I liked the sensation. I still have things under control. I think about you for two minutes then forget for three hours. But then I get used with you as my person and my home. Eventually I think about you for three hours and forget for two minutes. When you’re away, I was turned into an addict who can’t get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, I surely am willing to do anything for you. But you are not for me. Not that I knew. Not that I felt.

The sensation was pure steel underneath all the softness and nothingness. It was calm, but it was resolute. Being with you .. it was cool lemonade with a long straw, sweet and measured and pleasurable in a way that felt infinite.

Sooner, everything is lukewarm. Where are we and why are we playing games? It isn’t fun nor burning anymore.

Before I slept I knew I love you. God knows how I love you. But I woke up and I am tired. I had loved you. But I grew tired. I realized I couldn’t handle it anymore because if I do, I’ll hurt myself and I’ll fool you. Remember that life deserves a villain or two. I’ll be one for you.

Not that I blame you for choosing everything over me. I am convinced that you did the right thing. You deserve everything and everything needs you. That makes you good for me but good isn’t for me.

I wish you well. I’m sorry.

– L

***

PS. Heh! Don’t mention it. Huwehahwehuwehahuwheuhawhe!

(Featured image taken from Google)

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