Nothing Box

August Bad

I regret I settled for Okay.
I regret I trusted myself so much.
I regret not believing in the world when I had the chance.
I regret standing on my feet when all I need is to fall on my knees and climb.
I regret playing the whole thing safe.
I regret crying with tears when I got blood ready to fall.
I regret holding myself calm when all I want is to be wild.
I regret not being bad and awesome.
I regret I cried myself to sleep for crocodiles.
I regret losing my voice when I had the microphone inside my throat.
I regret being on time. I was never early.
I regret I kept pushing when the door says pull to open.
I regret being patient. I was never fast.
I regret believing that I am million dollar. I was always on sale.
I regret walking on my running shoes.
I regret saying Yes when my only alphabet is N and O.
I regret not moving because I stayed.
I regret I said Okay.
I can’t believe I did that.

Now I’m never gonna be good enough for myself.

***

Welcome Self! to the human experience.

Here’s for me who’s feeling a little itsy bitsy tiny bit melancholic lately. Mid life crisis maybe.

Emotions prickling up our being makes us discover ourselves more. We could figure out the inner monster within us. Is there any harm if we could give it to ourselves sometimes? And that is very rare, not all super heroes could do that.

Me? I was never been this honest to myself. I look back and realize how fool I was smiling all the time. I could have take some wacky when I had the chance. I could have smash doors and spit on my teacher’s carpet.

You see I have regrets. Shadap! We all have. At some point I am a body close to eating my socks. I hate the idea but I get over it, because that is our nature, we piss ourselves. We’re hoomans if you have forgotten, and hoomans are pretty havoc.

But you know, no matter how I can be frustrated about life and how it works, I was never introduced to total loneliness. A little maybe but not lonely – lonely.

(Forgive me, grammar Nazis.)

I say, you cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. That is, yourself. Be lonely. Be candid. There is no wrong about it. Make a map and learn your way around loneliness. But never use others as your scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

To all you melancholic-regretful-pissed-lonely-melodramatic-young-adults out there, my heart is with you. Let us take some wacky!

PS. I am bipolar. Contemplate first before you take your wacky.

PPS. Do not believe my PS.

PPPS. Pardon me, this is my nothing box.

PPPPS. Happy birthday to me and my august bad.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s