Ten minutes ago I have decided to disconnect this blog site to my personal account on Facebook. Reasons why?
First, I might write articles (like this one I am writing now) that could put my mega locked thoughts and real emotions on edge. It might jumped out from me and could serve as yummy desserts for hungry crocodiles out there. I don’t want that and I like me being me, Exclusive.
Second, I am becoming uncomfortable on the possibility of the previous idea.
Third, twenty percent (20%) troubled about other people’s thoughts regarding things that I write. I mean, it is first hand reading.
Lastly, is to put myself inside the curtains. This is just me.
Now why did I do that? Because I am afraid that slowly, I can develop the tolerance of exposing my real everything to the majority. And I will become someone else.
I am afraid that people will see how weak I am inside, that I constantly need saving, that somehow they would realize that I really am a liability. That would break me.
There, I said it.
Now, I am in wide doubt of publishing this article. God, why do I keep on writing? This is so unlike me.
Therapist would say what I am doing now is the right thing to do, expressing things so that one won’t collapse and shatter inside. That writing things out is one way of channeling all anxieties into thin air. That it makes you feel better. Yes, it does. I get that. And it really is a good thing.
But my point is, I don’t do that. I am a person who keeps everything inside, or for myself. I might write things like this on my notebook but I don’t share it to anyone. I keep it to myself. Because I am good at it. Now, I don’t know. I cannot place everything inside. The insides of me wanted to escape, or at least have some air.
You may say my thought is contradicting my other thought. I guess the frontal lobe of my cerebrum isn’t functioning well again.
So that would be it. The reason for disconnection. Pretty too deep for a reason huh.
PS. To unbind my personal account from the inundating satisfactions and euphoric regrets of this blog, but casually share 51% anonymously on Facebook, I created The Interlaced Structure official Facebook page. There, somehow, I would less likely feel impotent. There would be no meh-name so I could settle for that. At least.
PPS. The Facebook page is not meant for publicity. I mean, C’mon, we both know that.
PPPS. Sorry if this article bothers you for some way. But if you have reached reading up to this end, Thank you. This is some of the things I don’t do often. I am delighted you took a part drowning yourself with me.
PPPPS. Maybe I can do this every once in a while, don’t you think?