This is the time that I’m feeling the need to express myself from this “something”.
I’m a girl. A lady. A woman. Female. I know that and I’m aware of it. But the moment I was introduced into attraction, I became more fond of estrogen filled neanderthals. Yes. The Females.
There are these times where I usually believed that my sexual preferences were unlikely from other girls. Thus making myself believed that I’m a lesbian. A tomboy.
Sometimes, I tend to imagine what its like having a romantic relationship with a girl. But then I erase the thought right away. Its just, I like the feels of caring, protecting, and looking after for someone. I don’t know, I just feel that deep sensation right across the soul to protect everyone, or someone. Someone who won’t argue who loves who the most. Someone who would settle that I love her more than she loves me. Someone who’s having the need of me to save her day. Someone who would text me to pick her up or walk her home. Someone who would believe that I’m worth calling her protector. See? My deepest thoughts are insane. And some of my friends find it gross. Only few find it cool, and those are my lying friends with the purest intentions, as they say.
There are also times when I couldn’t stop myself from looking at someone. These ‘someone’ are random girls I meet everyday. When I find her attractive, I tend to scan and study her beauty. Of what makes her different from everyone else. Of what makes her beautiful as herself. And then I will catch myself admiring her eyebrows, her long hair, the tip of her nose, her eyelashes. And I couldn’t take my eyes off her. And when one of us needs to go I’ll just burst in whisper “Haay Gwapa ba!” But that’s just it, after that appreciation encounter, I forget. And then I look again. And again. And again.
I myself could not explain. I know deep down me that I’m a girl. OMG ofcourse I love boys. But.. Ugh, I’m just so attracted to women more than I’m attracted to men.
Well, I guess the proper way to stress that thought is, “I appreciate female species more that I appreciate the males.” Sounds legit.
Hey, woman, you don’t have to be afraid of me if ever you’re reading this. I’m not psychotic, not even picturing you naked. OMG No. It just so happen that our preferences makes us different. You could still hug me I won’t take advantage. Hahaha. (No, I’m not scaring you.)
*Geez. I’m really talking to myself.*
And for the gentleman, hmm, we cool dude. bye.
(Featured Image taken from Tumblr)